Why Fit In?

What is it about fitting in that makes it such a life chore? Why is it a necessity? Is the failure to “fit in” some type of Darwinism effect? Maybe it is possible that only so many types of people can fit in one societal group, culture, or subculture. Trying to fit in or assimilate with everyone else is stressful to say the least, to be a person who struggles their whole life to find validation. To find acceptance.

I am growing weary of this self-validation process. I am at a point in my life where I actually have a window of opportunity (albeit short) to do whatever it is I want to do with my life. This is where my dream is supposed to hit the road running. However, I find that some of my dreams are as intangible as they are evasive and I am frustrated with that.

What is the point? I cry to God. Why did you make my want things and desire dreams if I can’t bring them to fruition? I’m tired of being a dreamer. I want to be an achiever.

What good is writing if I cant express my own thoughts?

What good is to do what I spent almost 15 years doing as a career when it paralyzes my creativity – my soul?

I don’t know what to do about it other than keep this knotted tangle of anxiety embedded inside of me until it can be released.

I try so hard to fit in and it is making me worse. I don’t want to alienate myself from the rest of the world but it seems that is when I am most at peace. It is rather unrealistic. Especially now because I have evolved my world around a somewhat carbon copy remake of the real me.

But with the dreams and aspirations I have of being successfully creative and innovative in my own right, I think these are suffocating me. I can’t help but feel the pressure of opening myself to specific people to channel it through. It’s hard and I don’t know how to do it.

And there lies my problem.

Advertisements
This entry was published on October 15, 2012 at 6:27 pm. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “Why Fit In?

  1. I hovered in a similar spot…Then, somewhere around my 40th birthday, I just jumped off the proverbial cliff and never looked back. I have been pleasantly surprised how those “I thought” would judged me the harshest have “quietly” rallied behind me. I wish you the strength to follow YOUR heart and allow others to catch up with your dreams whenever they can. Hugs of encouragement coming your way… 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: